Dreams A Goodbye
by kakashidiot
Summary: ShigurexAkito. Spoilers for ch. 100! Akito and Shigure dream of each other but will they ever build each other up? RandR.


**I don't own Fruits Basket… Shigure… sigh… Shigure I love you!**

**Ummm… this is my VERY first Fruits Basket fic! So please be kind! I hope you enjoy it!**

**It's a song fic – Song by Moby called 'Porcelain'**

**Ummmm… yeah… I'm a Kakashi (from Naruto) lover so this is quite a new character for me – even worse, I don't have much access to the manga or the show, so I hope this is okay!**

**For reference: 1st part is Akito, 2nd part is Shigure…(thoughts are in italics)**

**REVIEW PLEASE! REVIEW! REVIEW! AND REVIEW!**

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Dreams a Goodbye

_I had a dream…._

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**In my dreams**

**I'm dying all the time.**

I stir, grasping at the sheets that cocoon me, clenching my eyes shut, willing the day to reverse. That it would never start. It never happened. That life had not slipped further from my grasp.

But the sun is obstinate and rose anyway, climbing up over the hills, rising above the trees – the sakura blossoms and the rough brown branches. The birds welcomed it.

_I envy them._

It's life. Something I can never truly ever experience. It seems like a jerky motion picture to me – a thousand images I watch but never live.

**As I wake its kaleidoscopic mind**

The petals blooming, spreading gently out, then falling. Bird cheep weakly as babes, they spread their wings and fly – leave the nest forever. Flowers bloom. Ants crawl. Clouds pass over. Sohmas come and go.

HE is part of that too. It irritates me to see his face so cheerful and so lackadaisical.

_I want to slap him. No. I want to know his secret of strength._

**I never meant to hurt you.**

**I never meant to lie.**

_Or is there strength at all but determination? A cunning? I do not know. Do I really want to? How many times have I hit you, Shigure? Hurt you? Slept with another to watch you wince? And yet you still return… why?_

_What do you see? Why do you not leave me alone?_

I know this is the day for his regular visit; I pause at the thought as I pull a yukata over my shoulders and glance in the mirror. A boy doesn't care about his looks – but for Shigure – I am who I am.

_Small mercies._

I watch the birds flit down the bird bath, one comes to land on my fingers and I reward it with bird seed. The beady black eyes look bright and cheerful – and as it bursts into song, I wish I knew something to sing with it.

The wind swirls into the doorway bringing me the scent of pale flowers and

green, wet grass. Then it leaves the room with faint traces of ink.

I sigh.

"I don't want to see you today. Go away, Shigure."

**So this is goodbye**

**This is goodbye**

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_I had a dream about the one I love…_

"Good morning, Akito-sama!" I chirp, as lively as the tiny bird in her hand.

She twitches, the bird, startled flies away, and I can sense – for I am the only one to know her so well…

_She wants to crush it. Just as she wants to crush me._

But there's some thing holding her back. So I never broach the topic and she never mentions it. It is a wall between us which neither of us wants to face.

_Are we cowards that we cannot speak the truth to each other? What do we fear?_

**Tell the truth you never wanted me**

**Tell me.**

_Perhaps I fear the truth._

She turns and gives me a bitter smile and then motions me closer, I kneel beside her as she turns to me with a question about Yuki.

So we talk about everything but THAT. We talk about Yuki, Kyo, Honda, Hatori and all the Juunishi. I tell her everything – it's a small price for a moment alone with her.

_I am a fool, Hatori. A fool for something I cannot have. You see…_

_I had a dream about the one I love and then there was nothing I could do._

**In my dreams**

**I'm jealous all the time**

Kureno is mentioned in passing, my hands clench on my knees. She raises an eyebrow and smiles for the first time.

_That bitch. She knows. And yet… I love her. Am I insane?_

_You see… I had a dream…_

Even as the hour passes and I wear her down – wear down that already short temper – I want to see it.

_Anything. Even if she strikes me – let her feel. Let her feel that she can be honest with me. Let her feel something – anything – anything but apathy._

Visions race in my head as infinite possibilities present themselves to me: her lips on mine, my hands on her, us walking down the lane together, talking over tea in my poor dining room. It's all so confusing.

_I had a dream…_

**As I wake I'm going out of my mind**

**Going out of my mind**

But it's warped – it's a nightmare perhaps – how can a dream of hope and beauty be so wrong? The novelist in me savors the claustrophobic fate, the rest of me dies. It's so hopeless, it drives me crazy.

_I had a dream about the one I love and then there was nothing I could do._


End file.
